How to Approach Your Partner’s Phone Addiction with Empathy and Kindness
Have you ever looked forward to quality time with your partner, but they spend the entire time scrolling through their phone? It’s a deeply frustrating experience that can make you feel hurt and invisible. For many people, those feelings of loneliness build over time and eventually lead to resentment.
If your partner’s phone addiction is damaging your relationship, it’s completely normal to feel angry and upset. You deserve to feel seen, heard, and valued.
Here are some actionable tips you can use to reconnect with your partner, even if it seems like technology is always in the way.
Try to get to the root of the issue
Generally, a partner’s constant phone use isn’t a personal slight. The compulsion could be driven by any number of factors, including stress, habits, or fear
Whether they’re scrolling through social media or catching up on work emails, understanding why your partner is glued to their screen can help you approach the situation with more empathy.
Uncovering and acknowledging the root causes of phone addiction often leads to more effective conversations and solutions. Try these conversation starters with your partner:
- "Hey, I've noticed you’re on your phone a lot when we're together. Is there anything stressing you out lately?"
- "Sometimes I feel a bit left out and hurt when you're on your phone while we’re spending time together."
- "I miss our quality time together. Would you be open to scheduling some phone-free times during the week so we can talk without distractions?”
However you start, approach the conversation from a place of empathy and curiosity. Hopefully, this will encourage your partner to be open and vulnerable.
Choose the right time and place to talk to your partner about their phone habits
Timing is everything when it comes to talking about tough topics. It’s very common for partners to feel attacked, even if that’s not your intention.
Approach your partner during a quiet moment when they aren’t busy or stressed, like after dinner. Try to avoid times like right after work or before bed when they may be looking forward to some down time.
Tell your partner how you feel using “I” statements and specific examples, like “I feel lonely when you’re on your phone during dinner.” This helps keep the focus on your feelings rather than making them feel attacked.
Avoid speaking in absolutes
Statements like, “You’re always on your phone,” tend to make the other person go into defensive mode. Absolutes don’t leave much room for nuance and it’s easy for your partner to argue back that they aren’t literally always using their phone when you’re together.
Instead, use your “I” statements and remain open to hearing your partner’s perspective.
Acknowledge your own phone use
If you’re also guilty of sometimes spending too much time on your phone, don’t forget to acknowledge your own less-than-ideal habits. This also gives you a natural way to transition into problem-solving mode because you can approach the problem of phone addiction as a team.
Try these strategies to foster healthier phone habits in your relationship
Communication is a vital part of reconnecting with your partner, but there are also several practical strategies you can use to make it easier to put the phone down:
- Set phone-free zones in your home. This takes the guesswork out of phone etiquette. For example, you might agree that the dining room or the living room is a tech-free zone during shared meals.
- Plan meaningful screen-free activities. Try scheduling activities that naturally limit the use of phones, like a walk in the neighborhood or a game night.
- Lock your phones up or put them in another room to remove the temptation to scroll.
For more ideas on disconnecting from technology, check out Recharging Your Relationship by Disconnecting from Social Media for inspiration.
Recognize when solving phone addiction could use an outside perspective
Sometimes, despite your best efforts and most earnest attempts at connecting, solving problems topics like phone addiction remains difficult.
Seeking professional support from a couples counselor or marriage counselor can equip you with tools and strategies to help navigate phone addiction (and the feelings it creates) more effectively. A therapist can help both partners identify patterns, improve emotional connection, and develop healthier ways to communicate under stress.
To see how the caring, compassionate counselors at Foundations can help your and your partner reconnect, book a free consultation.
